On this season of "Married at First Sight," 30-yr-one-time Deonna McNeill explains to her 10-year relationship gap to her new husband, Gregory Okotie, by using a term y'all may not be familiar with.

"I haven't been in relationships, but I've been in situationships," she says.

Less than a human relationship, but more than a casual encounter or booty phone call, a situationship refers to a romantic relationship that is, and remains, undefined.

"A situationship is that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than than a friendship," explains psychotherapist and author Jonathan Alpert. "Unlike a friends with benefits or relationship, there isn't consensus on what it is."

Why is this condign a trend now? "Culturally, our expectations of relationships has changed; people are getting married later in life, and many people are eager to explore relationships in a less structured way without pressure to commit, as they prioritize self-knowledge and developing every bit individuals," says Saba Harouni Lurie, a licensed spousal relationship and family therapist practicing in California.

A situationship is that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friendship.

On the one hand, removing the force per unit area of putting parameters on what the human relationship is and isn't tin be freeing – as long every bit both parties are okay with leaving things open. On the flip side, not knowing where y'all stand can be detrimental, particularly if 1 political party wants more of a delivery. "This vagueness often leads ane person to feel incertitude, anxiety, frustration, resentment, helpless and sometimes even depressed," Alpert says.

The pros and cons of situationships

You've met someone new, and things seem to exist going well. But even though you lot're merely a few dates in, wondering where this is all going is keeping yous upwardly at dark. It's a common problem — one that Travis McNulty, a therapist practicing in Florida, says a situationship can really help alleviate. "The majority of my clients (and people in general) go fixated on a new relationship as the focal signal of their lives," he explains. "This raises the stakes leading to many sleepless nights and undue force per unit area."

Taking that looming question off the tabular array can help yous be more mindful virtually how you're actually feeling. "Situationships alleviate the traditional pressures associated with starting a human relationship," says McNulty. "This alleviation of feet and expectations can aid a couple grow closer without the guessing of where each partner is at."

While experts say situationships can have their temporary benefits, they tin chop-chop move into harmful territory if one partner starts to want more. "When both people are not in sync on the nature of the situationship, acrimony and resentment tin can ascend over time," says Carla Manly, a psychologist practicing in California. "This tin can manifest in toxic behaviors, such as passive-aggressive actions, anger outbursts and toxic communication."

Not to mention, moving on from a situationship can result in unresolved feelings, since there's cipher to technically break off. And depending on how long this situationship lasted, having information technology cease without information technology always amounting to any kind of commitment can exist hard to process. "A deep sense of regret can come from spending your time — sometimes months or years — in a relationship that is stagnant," says Manly. "Many people lament having invested a neat deal of time, endeavor and fifty-fifty money is situationships that proved to be fruitless."

Are you in a situationship? Expect for the signs

In a friends with benefits scenario, sporadic meetups are role of the landscape. But because of the lack of established parameters, Manly says situationships volition generally feel inconsistent and unstable. A few other signs include:

  • An absenteeism of plans. Attempts to brand plans in advance are usually met with an cryptic response due to lack of commitment. Connections are oft impromptu and based on having sexual activity or "hanging out." There may exist a sense that dates are opportunistic and due to one or both partners not having anything else to exercise.
  • Conversations that tend to be superficial and oft sexual in nature. Partners tin exist in situationships for years without getting to actually know each other across surface level conversations that pertain to their firsthand gratification.
  • You haven't met their friends or family unit members. The relationship never evolves past the two of yous spending time together sporadically and as such, you're not factored into your partner'southward plans with friends or family.
  • In that location's no talk virtually what's adjacent. Future plans are non discussed considering you may not be a part of the other person's life long term. Attempts to gain clarity on where this might exist going are met with ambivalence.

What to do if you're in a situationship

Oft, situationships start because one or both parties aren't sure whether or non they want anything more serious — or due to lack of meliorate options. "In some cases, it'due south simply the pursuit, feeling lonely, or otherwise 'filling a void' that stimulates an interest in the relationship," says Manly. So before you do anything else, ask yourself honestly: Is this person someone you would really want to exist in a committed relationship with if it were an option?

If the person is truly someone you lot believe would be a wonderful romantic partner, Manly suggests having a serious, honest talk with the person near your desire for a delivery. "Gear up aside time to talk in a quiet place that is free of distractions," she says. "When you lot talk with the person, speak simply and directly about how you feel and what you desire. For example, 'I've been feeling confused about where things stand up with the states. I definitely have strong feelings for you and want to deepen our human relationship. It's important to me to know how you feel. I hope nosotros tin can motility forwards together.'"

And if the person isn't receptive to moving into more than serious territory? Manly says to find opportunities to look at this situationship as a learning experience. "It'southward important to process the up sides and down sides of the situationship without blame or judgment," she says. Were at that place crimson flags you ignored? Did y'all tend to settle throughout the situationship for less than yous wanted or needed? Digging into these questions can help inform what you want out of your next relationship — which volition assistance you avert falling into some other situationship that isn't serving you.

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